You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
