Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
