i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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