Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
