He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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