go do what you do best...puke behind churches
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
