i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I skipped work to stalk him.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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