well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I don't think brook has ever known best
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
