I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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