foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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