come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
