Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Vodka?
Forever.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize