I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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