You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
