thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
