Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
