i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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