i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
