That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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