____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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