If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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