im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
