This dress was meant to end up on your floor
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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