he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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