u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
