like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Randomize