We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
