I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
