During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Randomize
