There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize