Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
