We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
