PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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