Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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