i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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