NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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