u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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