Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
