Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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