hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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