god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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