Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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