He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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