your thong is hanging out like whoa
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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