so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
