I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
