i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
