atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
