Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I would fuck him just for his dog
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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