those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I got inside last night via doggy door
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
