so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
