i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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