Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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