Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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