All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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