there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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