Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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