But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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