I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
This is the high leading the old right now
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize