Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
