i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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