i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize