I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
