I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
