she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
