I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
porn star boner night. come get it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
