I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize