It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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