I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
