I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
