Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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