Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
