So drunk its hurt
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize