My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
