i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
