birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
