i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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