I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
