so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
