i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
