you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
