and next time when you feel me up, do it right
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
