I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
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