I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
