He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
