Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
