Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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