I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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