why didn't you poke me back
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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