I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
