Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
