then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize