What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
