Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize