ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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