so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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