why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Randomize
