I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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