He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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