Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
