he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
