At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
