someone threw a dead crab at me
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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